Caution. Empire Falling In Progress.

The other day Phil and I had to take a short trip on the Tube to pick up a package from his parents. As we walked through the barrier, we were greeted by the following illustratively Modern British image.

A broken wine bottle, surrounded by its shard and liquid innards alone might be typically British on a Friday or Saturday night in the West End. However, what truly makes this British is the ridiculous “Caution: Wet Floor” “Cleaning in Progress” signs. Now, if you’re an native English speaker or a non-native English speaker, you might be wondering, “Hmm, in my English classes they always told us that the present progressive -ing ending was when you were presently progressing through a task. I see no workers clean-ing at the moment.”

Not so though, here in the land of the Eng! Here, the “cleaning in progress” is quite a different progression to behold! You might think it means simply going into the cleaning closet for a broom and mop, however, here in England, they practice a truly artful way of cleaning. The tube worker* begins by embarking on a pilgrimage to the cleaning closet, passing up the crude sweeping devices, choosing instead the far more sophisticated sign. Because this worker is truly skilled at the art of cleaning and safety, he takes the time to go back to the closet enough times to carry over six signs with a variety of messages for the general public’s safety. Once installing this display, he hurries off to look up all the safety code, to determine who (if anyone at all) was authorized to sweep and mop up the mess, as well as the most efficient means of doing so, what special equipment to use and whether or not there exists a quota on how many floors must be cleaned a night or a processing time requirement that might be gamed.

You might be gathering that the process takes, well, a little time. How much? Well, those fifteen minutes in between leaving the station and returning, well, you can’t have expected the art of cleaning to have been finished by then. Works of such magnitude after all take time. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day, it’s going to take a lot longer than those mere fifteen minutes for the British Empire to finish falling.

*Prior to going to the closet, the worker no doubt donned the ultra safety device of a high visibility jacket. By placing this on, he decreased his chances of accidental cuts and poor life choices on Saturday nights by a significant 47.8%.

Advertisement